What I Learned at Lamaze Class Today

So I’ve been pretty on the ball as the responsible daddy as far as making sure I’m reading all the books, blogs, journals, magazine articles, and whatever else I come across in order to better prepare myself, and better prepare my wife and this household for the baby’s arrival. I’ve been pretty much on the wife about scheduling classes for us to attend to and making sure we take photos and other pre-baby necessities and things parents in the movies and tv do. The reason I’m asking her to search all this stuff out to do instead of just pulling the trigger myself is cause I don’t want to pick something she’s not comfortable with. Knowing my luck I’d pick a breastfeeding class offered on Groupon or Living Social given by a hairy Dungeons and Dragons Warlord given in a Taco Bell bathroom. Then I’d say something like “Babe… it must be legit, or else it wouldn’t be available on Groupon… we paid for it let’s just ride it out.”

So the first class we ever took was in fact a breastfeeding class. Now, I understand that the father of 1958 wouldn’t have attended these classes with their wives, but I feel like I need to know just as much as she does, and I want to be there for the support.

We walked into this house converted into a school for milking, and were naturally the first ones there. Enya –Sail Away starts playing ever so softly in the background, and Paps looks at me giggling and says… “I think I’m too immature for this!” Haha… this lady. Funniest woman I know.

Anyway, to get back to the story, about 7 months into the pregnancy I really started hitting it hard with the “you should probably get us enrolled in a Lamaze class or some sort of prep class.” She worked her magic, then shot me some dates, and now the fun starts…

Two different classes were registered for. One, a 5-week Lamaze course, once a week on Weds, from 7-9. And the other, an all day prep class from Too-Early-Saturday-Morning, to Wasted-a-Whole-Day-in-Class-on-a-Saturday thirty.

Wednesday we left the house, grabbed a bite to eat, and then walked in to the lamaze class to see one other couple sitting there in the smallest room ever, only for me make everything even more awkward by asking “so are you having a baby too?” OBVIOUSLY I know the lady’s having a kid, but my wife has to constantly remind me that not everyone gets my humor. Once the room started filling up, I look around to see who’s married and who isn’t (not judgingly just curious) and to see who seems like they were drug here or if they seem excited to be there. The majority of everyone else just looked plain confused and fearful. In fact one of the soon-to-be-daddy’s confessed he was only there to learn how to not pass out in the delivery room.

During the whole time there it seemed as if myself and one other father-to-be were participating in the class, and I started to feel as if I was Bogarting the classroom. However, I was just asking questions that I think ALL the fathers should have been asking. I know they all benefited from me asking them, unless they already knew everything and I was the one on the learning curve…

This seemed true Saturday as well. There were 30 couples in the Saturday baby prep class. This class was specifically for the changing diapers, bathing, how to take care of sick babies kind of things. You know… the necessities. NOW… you may be saying to yourself, “why do you have to take a class on this stuff, I never did,” or “that shit comes natural, you wasted your money…” and to you I say, “You may be correct…” however, knowledge is power, and you can never bee too prepared, and every other cliche I can’t think of right now. Yes… Cliche you! Sorry to be so forward.

But that’s the thing… in a room full of 30 men who have never done this before (actually 29 because the couple next to us had a 2 year old) two guys took over this class and tried to get our money’s worth on knowledge. TWO.

This was surprising, because one of the first things we did while we introduced ourselves was give a 1-10 scale rating on where we stood on babies and our knowledge of them, and easily half of them rated themselves under 5 and a good handful of them gave themselves a 1. So there’s no way possible that they didn’t have questions about washing techniques, thermometer placement, car seats, baby proofing, etc… I mean, even the majority of the moms were seemingly in both courses just for the check in the box to say they did it.

So I have to do one of two things…

1) Know my place as a consumer and save my questions till afterwards, only benefiting my own knowledge


2) Succumb to the fact that everyone else knows everything and I’m the clueless asshole

But I refuse to be unprepared, as much as I know it will happen regardless. What’s the point on paying for these classes, if you don’t get what you need out of them? I’m sorry I’m THAT GUY but don’t you think that when it comes to the little human (who happens to be the size of a pineapple as of yesterday… according to the Baby Bump App) we should want to know it all?

Oh yeah…I forgot to tell you what I learned at Lamaze class. I learned that “panting like a dog” during Lamaze classes is degrading to women.

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Posted in Getting Ready, Those Odd moments...with 4 comments.


  • Megan says:

    Eli and i went to the baby prep class and the “labor pain management” class together. And I went to the breastfeeding class solo.

  • Brina says:

    Screw everyone else, you SHOULD be asking any and all questions you have! Also, you may want to consider an infant CPR class if you are not already certified. You would just take the regular class, but there is one that should include infant training.

  • Lorenzo McNulty says:

    Best quotable:

    “Babe… it must be legit, or else it wouldn’t be available on Groupon…” LOL

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