The Scared DadA Journey of a First Time Father

Feb 14th A Valentines Day Message: Fate

To my wife,

If someone told me 5 years ago, that fate was real, I would’ve laughed in their face.  If someone told me that there was a chance for me to be a better man than I was being 5 years ago, I would’ve hoped they were telling the truth, and probably had continued on the destructive path I was on.  If someone told me 5 years ago that I would be happy…

Paps… fate is a motherfucker.  It’s an amazing– amazing sonofabitch.  This is how wonderful fate is.  I was in a broken relationship that was doomed from the start.  So fate brought me to my knees (figuratively and literally), and became the reason I had to leave the Marine Corps.  As much as I loved being a Marine, my time had come, and fate had me depart.  Fate took me away from that destructive relationship that I had been the virus of, and brought me home… to clear my head… to separate from that life… and fate brought me to you.

Fate gave us a story.  One that makes other people laugh, and one that will always make us smile.  A “holler” brought you to me, and associates from a decade ago, became friends, who in turn became lovers.  But not without work.

Fate happened to deal all the cards exactly the way they needed to be dealt, with impeccable timing.  Because fate had a plan.  When I was down, you brought me up.  When I was homeless, you gave me shelter.  When I was unemployed, you motivated me.  When I was broke, you fixed me.  You didn’t understand what was going on, but you understood me, and you let me in your life slowly and cautiously, but at the same time at full speed and fully.

Fate helped me connect with my best friend, and while others doubted my judgment, I knew I’d found the right fit.  We laughed, we loved… we talked about Meredith grey and Izzie, as well as Carrie and Sam.  We explored, and relaxed, and joked, and pranked.  Fate brought the refreshing feeling of comfort of being in the same room and not having to say a word, and then at the same time wanting to share everything you know from the day’s passing.

Fate brought me my soul mate.

Fate tested us.  Tested me.  Made me look inside of myself at what was really real (son), and made me question my integrity of being a man.  Fate almost took us apart in freak accidents, but in turn made a bond stronger than atomic matter.  Fate was the wedding.  Fate is our baby.  Fate is our future.  Fate is on our side.

On this Valentine’s Day, I want to let you know that you are the most special person in my life.  I want to let you know that I love you immensely and would do anything to protect you, for you are the part of me that creates life and happiness.  You are my rock.  (You are my roll).  You are my backbone, and my ultimate support system.  You are my friend and my lover… You are the mother of my child.

Fate was good to me.

I love you Paps.

Happy Valentine’s Day

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