Ugly Babies
Dear Lord, I am sorry for talking shit about ugly babies. Please do not let karma catch up to me. -Every Parent Ever That’s right, ONE OF my biggest fears… ever. Having an ugly baby. Now Hold Up! Don’t go getting on your high horses and pedestals made of clouds– people, cause you’ve done it too. You’ve looked at a baby, and maybe had thought there was a chromosome or two missing, and we’re not talking down syndrome, because down syndrome is real sad… We’re talking *U-G-L-Y, you ain’t got no alibi, you UGLY, yeah yeah you Ugly,* ugly. I know you’ve looked at a pair a parents and under your breath you’ve stated the possibility and likeliness of them having a baby only Sloth would love (Goonies reference?Check). C’mon, I KNOW you’ve had funny looking kids in your classes in elementary school; you know, the ones that used to get made fun of for having a less than symmetrical face, or a whiteboard-sized forehead. So don’t pretend like they’re not out there. I’ll say what you don’t want to say out loud. I pray to God I don’t have an ugly baby. As I sit here and think about this, I brought it up to a friend who exclaimed almost instantly…”WHAT… MAN you can’t say that. All babies are beautiful.” Bullshit. Most babies are cute. The others are normal. Few… well… lets just say, there’s a few that we know will have a rough time getting asked to Continue Reading →
Posted in Did He Really Just Say That?, Dissapointment, Fearwith 14 comments.
BFF’s Forever! …Right?
One of my favorite people in the world and his wife just popped out a brand new baby boy yesterday morning. They waited till the birth to find out what the baby was, which made having a baby boy that much more special being that this was baby #2, but boy #1. The night before, he had told me there was a hold on people coming into the hospital because apparently six people had died from the flu, so visitation was limited. I felt hurt, not because I couldn’t see the baby right away… but that I couldn’t be there for him to run into the delivery waiting room so he could scream IT’S A BOY while handing out the cigars (which I’m sure he’ll pick up after reading this) to the any one willing to take one. I am… a sentimental type of guy. I buy into shit like that. I buy into the surprise parties, and the sending people flowers. I buy into the family photos coming in the mail, and weekend BBQ’s. I buy into the phone calls about the first words, or seeing the mothers day drawings that the kids made in school this week… I still buy into the living that portion of the American dream that you would see if a Norman Rockwell painting came to life. So when I tell you I really felt bad for not being there for him, I sincerely mean that it ate at me… cause that is my Continue Reading →
Posted in Dissapointment, Fear, Those Odd moments...with no comments yet.
The Taboo of Labor Complications
“One day you’re going to wish you could still hug me.” My wife playfully said this to me the other day, however it pierced right through me like a hot knife on cold, hard, butter. I mean, immediately as she said it I envisioned the pain of not having her around forever in my life. I actually can’t put into words how sad I literally got for the brief moment before I asked, “Why would you say that?” The truth is, that this pregnancy has actually had me on edge. Every ache, every pain, every new symptom that my wife describes, becomes my reality and it makes me constantly worry if everything is ok. The newest one is that her pelvic area is extremely painful, and that she said she’d seen the symptom on the What to Expect mobile app in this week’s “Common Symptoms” area. The culprit could be SPD, otherwise known as Symphysis Pubis Dysfunction, which is a $1000 term for “stretched ligaments that normally keep your pelvic joint aligned…” yada yada yada “causing pain…” blah blah blah… “if pain is severe, ask your practitioner.” Well here’s the thing; I will usually downplay everything and joke around, but if I see her in some real pain, I melt. And this time, she had tears coming out. I need to figure out why this is happening right now. Are you in pain? Where does it hurt? How long has it hurt? What’s it feel like? Do we need to go Continue Reading →
Posted in Dissapointment, Fearwith 2 comments.
Baby Announcement Gone Sour
“Should I go get another pregnancy test?” That’s what my wife asked me sometime during the last week of September. She asked about getting another one because two she had already taken some weeks prior had failed; but her boobs had been sore and kept her in pain. I had already assumed the possibility of her being pregnant because she’d been complaining of the pain for probably two weeks at that point, plus she hadn’t had a visit from Aunt Flo (but we attributed that to a car accident we had been in a few weeks prior)… Oh, also because of some physical bodily changes I’d noticed… but I won’t put her business out there. Lets just say, if my nipples become girthier, I might fear that I may be pregnant. I offered to go to CVS and go get the test with her, but she went without me. It was a school night, so I was just relaxing on the couch watching whatever we watch to dumb ourselves down before bed. Once she came back home she disappeared for about 10 minutes, then returned but went straight to the kitchen and hid from me. Now I knew that my Spidey sense was 100% right. I asked her, “well, are you pregnant?” She told me to go into the kitchen, so I did… and once I had, I’d seen that there was the pregnancy test in the oven showing that shit was about to get real. I am about to Continue Reading →
Posted in Dissapointmentwith 11 comments.
