Can I Get a Round of Applause for Pregnant Boobs…

I mean… HELLO! Not to sound all Bohemian and hippie-ish, but I’m one of those guys who think the pregnant body is one of the most beautiful things on a woman. My wife is sexy.  But my wife, who is carrying my son, is super sexy. There’s a two-part reason behind my thoughts of how I view the pregnant woman.  The first is that I think the miracle of birth is something so astronomically awesome, that every time I take a minute to think about what’s going on inside my wife, this complete wave of a nostalgia overcomes me, and I start to think about how scientifically amazing the development of a little human is. But I’m a thinker. The guy writing this is also fascinated that an 800,000 pound metal object holding 300 people can stay in the air and take me from California to Korea in a matter of hours, and that the movies and TV shows about CIA spies seem like entertainment to us, but is actually somebody’s real life… That’s who’s writing this post. Why I mention how easily fascinated I am by seemingly explainable stuff is that if you’ve studied child development at all, then you understand that the forces of nature that have semen doing their natural thing of swimming “upstream,” racing and to meet the egg… then fighting for dibs to get inside to chillax for the next 9 months, is beyond amazing to me.  For those nine months, this merperson lives in fluid, like Continue Reading →

Posted in Did He Really Just Say That?with 7 comments.

Child Care-less

Dear America, Why do you hate parents? Respectfully, Robert So I’ve mentioned before that I travel for work. I get to see all the glorious places that most will only see in post cards, and I get to eat all the glorious food that you only see on Food Network. I get to experience traditions and customs that you only see on the travel channel, but there is one thing I will never get to experience… Other countries’ benefits. That’s right Americans, we may be home of the free and proud and stuff, but we are definitely paying a price for that. And please don’t get me wrong… I didn’t serve 10 years in the Marine Corps so I could bash on the good ol’ U S of A in a blog post. This is specifically about child care. Once I found out about my wife being pregnant, I immediately started asking all the relevant questions… specifically those that pertain to work… 1) How does the insurance cover this birth? 2) If my wife has her own insurance, whose gets used for the hospital care? 3) Which insurance would the baby fall under? 4) Will I need paperwork from the job site in order to start the process? but most importantly, 5) How does the paternity leave work? (that link goes to a more credible source aka Huffington Post, if you don’t want to take my word for it) So here’s a real quick breakdown. What you need to understand Continue Reading →

Posted in Did He Really Just Say That?, Dissapointment, Fear, Getting Ready, Parenthood, Those Odd moments...with 32 comments.

My Tiny Retirement Plan. Baby 401k

So one of the names I’ve been contemplating calling my unborn child is 401k.  For those of you who don’t know what a 401k is I’m sorry… AND it’s also a retirement plan.  Why would I name my kid 401k you ask… well it’s simple. I’m 6’5”, his mother is 5’10” and we’re both (were both) highly athletic.  His grandfather is 6’4”/6’5”ish and in fact the rest of the family that’s not my wife is 6’ or above  (all girls by the way)… I’ve played sports all my life.  I’m talking competitively I’ve played Tee-Ball, baseball, basketball, football, volleyball, pick-up games of soccer, adult league softball, a little golf, and try to still get into volleyball tournaments… oh and I can swim (which is a big thing for “African Americans” apparently) … I all around just love playing sports. Paps, the wife, went to college on a full ride division 1 volleyball scholarship, grew up around and played softball, basketball, and can throw a spiral. We’re tall, I’m big, we’re a sports family. It’s the perfect equation. Now before I get all the hate hate hate mail explaining that I shouldn’t push sports onto my kid–I completely agree with you 1000%.  Baseball was pushed onto me, and I HATE baseball.  I can’t stand watching it on TV, and I tolerate watching it live.  I like playing still, but it’s still too slow of a game.  That being said, I played a lot of sports before I found my passion in volleyball.  I mean, I’ll Continue Reading →

Posted in Did He Really Just Say That?, Getting Readywith 3 comments.

Wait, You’ll See.

“Wait till you have a kid…” I swear to Buddha let me hear you say that one more mother effing time…  I GET IT.  THINGS ARE GOING TO CHANGE!!!! I.  GET.  IT. One of the most annoying things so far during the time of expecting a baby, is the plethora of people who feel the need to remind me that “things are going to change in the most astronomically insane way possible…  That not only are they going to change… I can’t explain it so just WAIT till when you have a child.” Wait till you have to wake up every hour on the hour. Wait till you are a zombie at work. Wait till you can’t go to the movies ever again for the rest of your life. Wait till you don’t have “good clothes” anymore. WAIT TILL YOU HAVE A KID… Just Wait. Well I have one for you… YOU wait. Wait, so you can laugh at me for not knowing what to do at all times because it’s my first kid.  (I get it.  This will happen.) Wait till I’m struggling to open the door with the baby in one hand and the dogs, food, groceries in the other, while my sig other stands there not opening the door cause she’s thinking about her own issues at the moment… (That’s going to happen too) Wait till I come to work exhausted, because the baby couldn’t and wouldn’t got to sleep cause he’s sick or colicky… (I get Continue Reading →

Posted in Did He Really Just Say That?, Getting Ready, Those Odd moments...with 14 comments.

Does Owning Dogs Prepare You For Raising Kids?

We can all agree that dogs are family.  Dogs bring happiness and joy.  Dogs need to be taken care of and trained.  Dogs need to be loved, and in turn love you back.  And when dogs pass on to doggy heaven, we lose a large part of us.  The whole family does. Dogs need tons of attention if you want to be known as a responsible dog owner.  When I take my little man, Sherman (the German), to the dog park, I teach him park etiquette.  When we go on walks, I teach him leash manners.  He isn’t allowed to beg, he’s not allowed to jump, and when I mean business, he knows to stop what he’s doing. But doesn’t everyone’s dogs? Hell no!  There are tons of houses you walk in, and you’re like… does it smell like piss in here?Where’d my food go?  The dog just chewed up my shoes… I mean seriously?  I just took these motherfuckers off!!!! That’s because not everyone puts complete energy into training or “etiquette.”  That is a serious statement.  Please understand when I say this.  Not everyone puts the same energy in training their dogs to be “Canine Good Citizens.” That’s a real thing in case you were wondering. It takes a special type of pride or determination (or getting lucky with a naturally well behaved dog), that gets you to a point where people go out of their way to let you know they recognize that your dog is well-behaved.  And Continue Reading →

Posted in Did He Really Just Say That?, Getting Ready, Those Odd moments...with 23 comments.

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