Wait, You’ll See.

“Wait till you have a kid…”

I swear to Buddha let me hear you say that one more mother effing time…  I GET IT.  THINGS ARE GOING TO CHANGE!!!!

I.  GET.  IT.

One of the most annoying things so far during the time of expecting a baby, is the plethora of people who feel the need to remind me that “things are going to change in the most astronomically insane way possible…  That not only are they going to change… I can’t explain it so just WAIT till when you have a child.”

Wait till you have to wake up every hour on the hour.

Wait till you are a zombie at work.

Wait till you can’t go to the movies ever again for the rest of your life.

Wait till you don’t have “good clothes” anymore.

WAIT TILL YOU HAVE A KID… Just Wait.

Well I have one for you… YOU wait.

Wait, so you can laugh at me for not knowing what to do at all times because it’s my first kid.  (I get it.  This will happen.)

Wait till I’m struggling to open the door with the baby in one hand and the dogs, food, groceries in the other, while my sig other stands there not opening the door cause she’s thinking about her own issues at the moment… (That’s going to happen too)

Wait till I come to work exhausted, because the baby couldn’t and wouldn’t got to sleep cause he’s sick or colicky… (I get that too)

Wait till my “single friends” stop inviting me places cause they assume I don’t want to go since I have a kid and all… (yep… that’s inevitable)

Wait for the fights of how to not to do things will put your marriage on the brink of destruction for a solid 3 hours, or maybe forever… (Check)

Wait till I’m scientifically breaking down whether if buy this case of beer, if my kid will have enough diapers till payday… (That’s one of the wait’s right?)

Wait till I’m constantly cleaning till I get to the point of “fuck it, it’s going to stay like this till I find my sanity again!”

Am I barking up the right tree yet?

What about the parental “wait warnings” for the smiles and giggles.  Wait for the overload of cuteness? Wait for the fresh smell of the baby?  Wait for the warmth you feel in your heart when you hear your son say ‘Dada,’ or takes his first step, or makes his first shot…?

Or is that not what we like to promote as already established parents?  Just fear.

Oh you wait…. You wait so you can suffer like the rest of us.

Here’s the thing…I think I’ve actually mentioned this before…  During my time in the Marine Corps, I was a very social and loved guy.  I stayed in my friends’ homes as if they were my own.  I was around all age ranges of children from newborns, to college bound and beyond.  I was a fly on the wall for fights between kids, fights between parents, discipline sessions, 1st grade graduations, 1st words, learning to swim, back talk, spankings, middle school boyfriend problems, prom dances, getting drivers licenses, car accidents, school graduations, parental breakdowns of tears, and fears… I have been able to witness all of this first hand.  And while I know they were not my children, they were all my family, and not only did I get to grow up with them as if they were my own, I got to personally feel the emotions of joy, happiness, frustration, disappointment, excitement, etc. Because I too was vested in the family.

I babysat. I helped teach reading and sports.  I taught swimming.  I’ve been hit in the face by angry children.  I’ve chased runaways out of the door and had to talk sense into misunderstanding children.  I’ve had mac and cheese and hot dogs repeatedly thrown in my face and on the floor, all whilst shooing the dogs (who aren’t supposed to eat human food) away, while making sure the 4 year old is actually in the bath and not playing with his video game console still.

The greatest part about it is that those who proclaim “wait till…” have a lot of waiting to do themselves.  Most of my advisers are under 40 with non-high-schoolers yet.  There’s some learning curves-a-comin for you too!  Do parents still tell you to wait?  I’m sure they do… I know they do, because my friends’ friends would say it to them.  Why is this a revolving door of trying to scare the shit out of each other?  I understand it may be a natural instinct, or you may feel like a clairvoyant figuring you’re sharing the unknown that only you have the answers to–to the helpless, or maybe even a right of passage; but how about a little encouragement.

I do have a grasp on what’s to come (at least I feel I do).

And no that doesn’t make me an expert on parenting, it does give me a sense of what I’m in for, but this isn’t saying I know what I’m in for… please don’t mistake me for saying that at all.  I’m also not expecting to not struggle and have to figure things out as they come, as every other parent before me has had to do as well. And you have to remember… I have wanted this child since before I knew I wanted children, so I will wait.  And I will pay my dues as a parent, and get all the parenting badges sewn on my parenting satchel, so I can wear it to all my parenting parties to compare who’s gone through what yet, and telling those who haven’t… You Just Wait.

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Posted in Did He Really Just Say That?, Getting Ready, Those Odd moments...with 14 comments.

Comments

  • R.C. Liley says:

    Spot on, great post! I didn’t have too many people give me the “wait till” speech, but my wife had so many people giving unwanted advice. I see this as people just wanting you to know they’ve already been there as if it’s a competition. I just hope when the time comes, I don’t spout those words to an expecting couple.

  • Steve says:

    Very well written and some very good valid points

  • I have 3 kids – wouldnt swap it for the world 😉

  • Gale says:

    Oh, those “Just wait…” comments are a perfect retort whenever some childless person says something snide about your (housekeeping, noisy children in restaurant, etc.).

    But thankfully I got a lot of the good “just waits…” too. “Just wait til he smiles at you. Just wait until he says Momma…you’ll melt. Etc.

    And “Don’t waits” can be useful. Don’t wait to take a vacation…do it now before the baby comes. I was so glad I did that.

  • Great read! As a new dad (my son is 4 mos. old this upcoming Saturday) I can honestly relate to all of this. My hobby of choice is video games and in the evening after work I like to relax and play my PS4 to unwind. I can’t tell you how many people told me I should sell the video games or “you won’t have time for anything on your own anymore!” While it’s true, you don’t have a lot of time to yourself, that’s ok, because you don’t care. You also find time to do the things you like. Going out with your wife on a date may be a thing of the past for the first couple months but it’ll come back when you’re comfortable leaving the little one with the in-laws. It really does seem scary now, but you hit it on the head – wait until the first giggles and the first smiles, etc. They make any time of fear or anxiety worth it a dozen times over!

  • megan says:

    You still have single friends? Weird.
    However, those same single friends will one day get married and spawn a child and then they’ll come to you for advice and you’ll say “oh you just wait.”
    Because its another badge, even if its douche that shit just vomits out.

  • David Kepley says:

    I love this and I disagree with you! I relate whole-heartedly to having a good prep for having a child. After, seeing my child someone said, “Now you know.” The humbling thing was, they were right. I’d love to see a follow up post after a year and see if you think the same. Thank you for your service.

    • Haha… this request for “follow-up post a year later” seems to be popular reoccurring theme on my posts. A friend said the same thing with my “Does Owning Dogs Prepare You for Raising Kids” post.

      And you’re right David, logically I already figured I’d be eating my words soon enough once the baby comes. But being humble doesn’t make for good story telling! Haha.

      Thanks for reading by the way!

      Robert

      • Gale says:

        LOL. I’m not sure owning dogs prepares you, but dang there are similarities. I was walking along holding back my child my his hoodie so he wouldn’t jump out in the street while another passerby was walking by holding back her puppy from doing the same thing. We just looked at each other and laughed.

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