Honey, Have You Seen My Pregnancy Pants?

Yeah… Mine. Let’s face it.  The sympathy weight is no myth. As a 31 year old man, I am once again afraid to step on a scale.  I haven’t been scared to step on a scale since returning from 30 days of leave while I was in the Marine Corps.  I’ve always been on the heavy side (teetering on my max allowed weight in the Marine Corps), and even on the heavier side as a civilian, but I’ve never hit over 300 lbs. And that’s where I’m scared I’m at. GRANTED… I am 6’5″, so it’s not like I look like Black Santa… but I can definitely feel that I’ve put on some lbs. (How did we even get “lbs” from pounds?”  Just a question) I can feel it in my ankles.  I can feel it in my knees.  I can feel it the tightening of my pants and shorts, in the shortness of breath, in the tightness in my shirts.  And the fucked up part about it is, I KNOW I’VE PUT ON WEIGHT.  I don’t need to step on a scale to know this.  My tits look like my wife’s at this point.  So why haven’t I done anything about it? Seriously?  Why haven’t I? Well like any other person who vows to make a life change, I hit these barriers (which I’ve learned while  doing homework, is a legitimate psychological term) that always seem to just keep me just way too busy; things like cleaning up what Continue Reading →

Posted in Dissapointment, Fear, Getting Ready, Those Odd moments...with 10 comments.

A Valentines Day Message: Fate

To my wife, If someone told me 5 years ago, that fate was real, I would’ve laughed in their face.  If someone told me that there was a chance for me to be a better man than I was being 5 years ago, I would’ve hoped they were telling the truth, and probably had continued on the destructive path I was on.  If someone told me 5 years ago that I would be happy… Paps… fate is a motherfucker.  It’s an amazing– amazing sonofabitch.  This is how wonderful fate is.  I was in a broken relationship that was doomed from the start.  So fate brought me to my knees (figuratively and literally), and became the reason I had to leave the Marine Corps.  As much as I loved being a Marine, my time had come, and fate had me depart.  Fate took me away from that destructive relationship that I had been the virus of, and brought me home… to clear my head… to separate from that life… and fate brought me to you. Fate gave us a story.  One that makes other people laugh, and one that will always make us smile.  A “holler” brought you to me, and associates from a decade ago, became friends, who in turn became lovers.  But not without work. Fate happened to deal all the cards exactly the way they needed to be dealt, with impeccable timing.  Because fate had a plan.  When I was down, you brought me up.  When I was Continue Reading →

Posted in The Puzzle Piecewith 5 comments.

Does Owning Dogs Prepare You For Raising Kids?

We can all agree that dogs are family.  Dogs bring happiness and joy.  Dogs need to be taken care of and trained.  Dogs need to be loved, and in turn love you back.  And when dogs pass on to doggy heaven, we lose a large part of us.  The whole family does. Dogs need tons of attention if you want to be known as a responsible dog owner.  When I take my little man, Sherman (the German), to the dog park, I teach him park etiquette.  When we go on walks, I teach him leash manners.  He isn’t allowed to beg, he’s not allowed to jump, and when I mean business, he knows to stop what he’s doing. But doesn’t everyone’s dogs? Hell no!  There are tons of houses you walk in, and you’re like… does it smell like piss in here?Where’d my food go?  The dog just chewed up my shoes… I mean seriously?  I just took these motherfuckers off!!!! That’s because not everyone puts complete energy into training or “etiquette.”  That is a serious statement.  Please understand when I say this.  Not everyone puts the same energy in training their dogs to be “Canine Good Citizens.” That’s a real thing in case you were wondering. It takes a special type of pride or determination (or getting lucky with a naturally well behaved dog), that gets you to a point where people go out of their way to let you know they recognize that your dog is well-behaved.  And Continue Reading →

Posted in Did He Really Just Say That?, Getting Ready, Those Odd moments...with 23 comments.

The “I’m Not Going to do That With My Kids” Checklist

When you are about to have a child, you start thinking about all kinds of things.  How your life will change, and who you plan on becoming as a parent.  I think about it often; what I will and will not do… what qualities from my mom and dad will trickle over onto my own parenting guidelines.  Well I’ve created a brief little somethin’ somethin’ that I am going to write down for myself now, so the future me can come back to re-read and laugh at my simple-minded naivete for actually thinking I could’ve done things different than the majority of parents out there. Here’s the “I’m not going to do that with my kids” checklist, all the things I’ll say I’m not going to do… I can’t wait to look back on this particular list: I won’t force my kids to play sports they don’t want to play. I won’t let my son wear dresses, put on nail-polish, or play with make-up unless it’s absolutely necessary for Halloween, or a fraternity initiation. I won’t allow a Ouija board in my house.  Period.  NEVER.  Even if that shit’s not real… I’m not taking the chance. I won’t make my kids clean up my bedroom. I will encourage them to play the guitar… for my own personal jam sessions. I won’t ignore them, even if it seems I’m actually ignoring them. I won’t miss a game.  Elementary through Pro.  That’s right, high hopes! I won’t let my kids takeover my bed…Not like Continue Reading →

Posted in Getting Readywith 11 comments.

Ugly Babies

Dear Lord, I am sorry for talking shit about ugly babies.  Please do not let karma catch up to me. -Every Parent Ever That’s right,  ONE OF my biggest fears… ever. Having an ugly baby. Now Hold Up!  Don’t go getting on your high horses and pedestals made of clouds– people, cause you’ve done it too.  You’ve looked at a baby, and maybe had thought there was a chromosome or two missing, and we’re not talking down syndrome, because down syndrome is real sad… We’re talking *U-G-L-Y, you ain’t got no alibi, you UGLY, yeah yeah you Ugly,* ugly.  I know you’ve looked at a pair a parents and under your breath you’ve stated the possibility and likeliness of them having a baby only Sloth would love (Goonies reference?Check).  C’mon, I KNOW you’ve had funny looking kids in your classes in elementary school; you know, the ones that used to get made fun of for having a less than symmetrical face, or a whiteboard-sized forehead. So don’t pretend like they’re not out there. I’ll say what you don’t want to say out loud.  I pray to God I don’t have an ugly baby. As I sit here and think about this, I brought it up to a friend who exclaimed almost instantly…”WHAT… MAN you can’t say that.  All babies are beautiful.”   Bullshit.   Most babies are cute.  The others are normal.  Few… well… lets just say, there’s a few that we know will have a rough time getting asked to Continue Reading →

Posted in Did He Really Just Say That?, Dissapointment, Fearwith 14 comments.

by Bliss Drive Review