The Start of “The First”

Today was a monumental day for me as a soon-to-be-father. Since Paps’ has been pregnant with the tiny parasite, I’ve answered all the typical questions like, “when are you due?” “Do you know the sex yet?” “How’s you’re wife doing?”  “Are you guys sure you’re ready for this?”  All are normal, and all are fine, however I’d always dreaded the question of “have you guys picked out a name yet? Well for the longest time Paps and I were not seeing eye to eye with each other on the baby names, and were definitely not seeing eye to eye with all external noise makers (aka everyone else) when it came to names for Baby X.  I had even resorted to a playoff bracket type of baby naming system to ween out the small players in this game of champions. This was ongoing for months. But alas… I received a note from the tiny parasite on Valentine’s day. I couldn’t be happier, but at the same time extremely cautious because this baby name was one of my favorites that I had annoyingly pushed for.  I would drop in the name during any type of conversation while talking about Baby X.  I would say this name when people asked what we were naming him… I was relentless. So of course it came as a surprise to me to see my wife “cave in.”  The caution builds up because I know that she’s doing this for me.  And I feel bad that we couldn’t Continue Reading →

Posted in Getting Ready, The Puzzle Piecewith 8 comments.

Where did the time go?

There just aren’t enough hours in a day. So cliché. But shit man… there are simply not enough hours in a day, or let alone… days in a weekend. I thought about this greatly today as I finished the biggest portion of the painting of the baby’s nursery.  I pulled off the painters tape, I sat down on the stool that once held the paint bucket, and then I stared at all the small mistakes from the paint seeping under the small pockets of air in the tape that I was now going to have to take more time out of my life to fix… Why couldn’t it have just come out right the first time?  God knows I tried–and tried hard. But as I wasted, now, a second weekend in that slowly developing, painter’s nightmare of a nursery, I can’t begin to list the full checklist of the other obligations that I had to either irresponsibly push-off, or make a conscious decision to do at a later date.  For instance:  Fix my lawn mower. Last weekend my dogs thought it would be a good idea to chew through the pull cord on my lawn mower instead of play with the dozen(s) of toys they already have (or rip out more branches on my rose bushes like they usually do), so instead of moving forward with the plans I had of re-seeding the lawn and taking charge of my back yard again (something I could only do because I was… was ahead on my Continue Reading →

Posted in Dissapointment, Fear, Getting Readywith 12 comments.

My Tiny Retirement Plan. Baby 401k

So one of the names I’ve been contemplating calling my unborn child is 401k.  For those of you who don’t know what a 401k is I’m sorry… AND it’s also a retirement plan.  Why would I name my kid 401k you ask… well it’s simple. I’m 6’5”, his mother is 5’10” and we’re both (were both) highly athletic.  His grandfather is 6’4”/6’5”ish and in fact the rest of the family that’s not my wife is 6’ or above  (all girls by the way)… I’ve played sports all my life.  I’m talking competitively I’ve played Tee-Ball, baseball, basketball, football, volleyball, pick-up games of soccer, adult league softball, a little golf, and try to still get into volleyball tournaments… oh and I can swim (which is a big thing for “African Americans” apparently) … I all around just love playing sports. Paps, the wife, went to college on a full ride division 1 volleyball scholarship, grew up around and played softball, basketball, and can throw a spiral. We’re tall, I’m big, we’re a sports family. It’s the perfect equation. Now before I get all the hate hate hate mail explaining that I shouldn’t push sports onto my kid–I completely agree with you 1000%.  Baseball was pushed onto me, and I HATE baseball.  I can’t stand watching it on TV, and I tolerate watching it live.  I like playing still, but it’s still too slow of a game.  That being said, I played a lot of sports before I found my passion in volleyball.  I mean, I’ll Continue Reading →

Posted in Did He Really Just Say That?, Getting Readywith 3 comments.

Wait, You’ll See.

“Wait till you have a kid…” I swear to Buddha let me hear you say that one more mother effing time…  I GET IT.  THINGS ARE GOING TO CHANGE!!!! I.  GET.  IT. One of the most annoying things so far during the time of expecting a baby, is the plethora of people who feel the need to remind me that “things are going to change in the most astronomically insane way possible…  That not only are they going to change… I can’t explain it so just WAIT till when you have a child.” Wait till you have to wake up every hour on the hour. Wait till you are a zombie at work. Wait till you can’t go to the movies ever again for the rest of your life. Wait till you don’t have “good clothes” anymore. WAIT TILL YOU HAVE A KID… Just Wait. Well I have one for you… YOU wait. Wait, so you can laugh at me for not knowing what to do at all times because it’s my first kid.  (I get it.  This will happen.) Wait till I’m struggling to open the door with the baby in one hand and the dogs, food, groceries in the other, while my sig other stands there not opening the door cause she’s thinking about her own issues at the moment… (That’s going to happen too) Wait till I come to work exhausted, because the baby couldn’t and wouldn’t got to sleep cause he’s sick or colicky… (I get Continue Reading →

Posted in Did He Really Just Say That?, Getting Ready, Those Odd moments...with 14 comments.


So, for my Valentine’s Day post, I’d written a little ‘ode to fate,’ and while I believe it was fate that brought me to where I am today, I kinda wanted to touch on more coincidences on how I’m seeing things at the moment.  As the title of my blog clearly states, I am a Scared Dad.  Scared of the future, yet excited at the same time.  Scared of the unknown circumstances in my life.  Scared of making the wrong decisions… but most of all Scared of failing. *Disclaimer* This is all speculation, and not meant to end up putting me in a loony bin.  Also, there may be mention of God in here, but I promise you it’s not a blog post preaching the “word of the lord” I’m a huge believer in “everything happens for a reason.”  Also, the old wives quote, “for every door that closes, another one opens,” has been so prevalent in my life, that it’s hard for me not to believe there’s truth in it. For instance, I told the story about a big break up that ultimately led me to my wife, A Valentines Day Message: Fate.  In that post I’d mentioned some accidents in there that were supposed to have taken my life, but as God would have it, I walked away practically uninjured.  Like the time I was mountain biking down a hill at 26 mph (that’s 41.84 km/h for you metric folks reading), hit a hole, went flying off my bike, Continue Reading →

Posted in Fear, The Puzzle Piece, Those Odd moments...with 3 comments.

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