A Love Letter to my Wife - The Scared Dad

Jun 20th A Love Letter to my Wife

On the night of the day dedicated to me, my wife laid next to me motionless and worn out from being up for the last 40 hours prepping for Father’s Day events to follow. As much as I needed to fall asleep 1,000 things flooded my mind, mostly the day that was to follow–when I would have to accompany one of my best friends to a track that had in the past, violently stirred up the pot of his life.

As I tried to relax, I mentally went over the techniques that I teach to my clients for relaxation and anxiety relief but they just weren’t working–probably due to the Venti Caramel Mochiatto with 3 extra shots I had earlier in the day. So I pulled my wife closer to me and held her in my arms. I listened to her breathe. I felt her chest rise and fall. She nuzzled deeper into my arms… and I closed my eyes.

I thought about writing her a poem. A poem telling her how much I appreciate her and love her. A poem that was cute and cuddly, and a poem that may rekindle our “youth” of when things were a little easier and more free. But then I realized that I just don’t have it in me to write in rhyme anymore. However, I did remember that I’ve created a platform and a following in which I’m able to write and express my thoughts and emotions in a captivating and enticing way. And so I’m taking this moment to write to you, Arleen–my wife, my best friend, and my backbone–on this platform that was only created because of the life you and I created and brought into the world, our son.

As you laid in my arms and I listened to you breathe, I thought of all those cutesy chic flicks where in the end of the 2-hour emotional roller coaster, the faulted lover always runs back to the other protagonist and confesses how much they need the other in their life, and would rather die than never be able to share the same breathe and the same heartbeat till their dying day… That the only way that they could ever live their life, is to be in sync with the almost-lost-lover.

And so I decided to get in sync with you.

Through my studies at HMI, I learned a lot about higher spirituality. I learned about how to build instant rapport, and how to create connections with any living thing by simply becoming in sync with it.

You see synchronization means that there is an evident and flawless motion between at least two entities. And what it means in a relationship… a marriage, is that when one person hurts, the other person loves. When one person believes, the other achieves. When one person fails, the other picks up the pieces… and when person wins, they both win.

And so I listened more carefully to you. Your breath. Your rhythm. And I listened to my breath… and my rhythm. And then you inhaled, and then I exhaled.

As I sat there for about 10 minutes feeling our bodies in motion, feeling more and more in sync with your body, the closer I became to feeling our breath finding rapport with each other’s. I could actually start to feel a coolness and rush of extra energy and oxygen seemingly flowing through your body into mine.

I enjoyed that moment of togetherness last night, yet I felt still restless. All I could hear was the excessive beating of my heart. I woke you up and told you I was worried. You fell back asleep, and almost like clockwork our bodies became in-sync once again.

I paid closer attention to my heart once again, and I tried to listen to yours… But as our bodies continued to rise and fall with each other, I finally started to feel our hearts find each other’s rhythm and that’s the last thing I remember that Father’s Day night.

You see, I may not be able to keep a rhyme scheme going, and I may not be able to say what I want, how I want, when I want… But I can tell you this… on this platform…

Nicholas Sparks couldn’t write about the love I have for you. Forever I’ll always work to be in sync with you, and as I had this night. I’ll always choose to take a moment, and consciously slow down or speed up my rhythm to catch up to you. And last night I realized that even in the most out of rhythm moments that we had, even in your unconscious state, we always ended up seamlessly in motion… Rising as one… Falling as one…

…Breathing as one…