The Scared DadA Journey of a First Time Father

Jan 24th Creating the Baby Registry

 

Dear Expecting Parents,

Brace Yourself.

Sincerely,
Robert

 

May I say, HOLY SHIT to the prices of the baby items that we deem mandatory, necessary, or even just a “believe me–this is a must need for the parents’ sanity!!!”  I’ll back up before I keep ranting.

Sunday, which happened to be the the NFC and AFC Divisional Championship playoff games (that I missed because of lack of coherent-ness due to a full day of traveling across the globe to get home the day before), my wife and I decided to go create our baby registry.  Great!  I’m down, so 1) we can get it out of the way, and 2) spend some hubby/wife QT (that I already understand that I’ll miss when Baby X comes into the world).  And so this was the start of the longest day ever.

Now, granted the Packers are already out of the playoffs, so I sincerely can care less who makes it to the big dance (except Denver… I called them to be in it from week 1), however I have a thing that if my team gets beat, then the team that took my team out needs to win so our loss is vindicated.  But I hate the 49er’s and I hate Pete Carroll, so there’s that.

Back to baby registering.

So the decision was to go to Babies R’ Us.  Why wouldn’t you? BABY is in the name.  It was already near 12, and Paps had seen ‘Islands’ and asked if we could stop in to eat, not cause she’s just got prego cravings, but because she is addicted to their fries.  I decline because I’d just eaten and we walked into the store to make this thing, as we like to say, Really Real… Son.

The Babies R’ Us/Toys R’ Us hybrid store led us to the far back left, where the cribs and the registration table were.  We’d met our helper, who for some reason I thought was going to literally help us the whole time (cause THAT would’ve been too awesome), instead she signed us up, tried to explain the VIB card and how we can put money on it for 10% off of diapers or something like that, and sent us on our way with a list of needs from most important to least important.

Ok, so here’s the thing: I am a firm believer in Quality over Quantity, and my friend and I have this saying that ‘Cheap ain’t Cheap,’ meaning if you are being thrifty, you may end up paying more in the long run.  For example: buying cheap car insurance, or a $300 car off the side of the road and then thinking if you get into an accident you’ll get your money back in a timely manner or at all, and your car will make it through the body shop without costing you a fortune.  Cheap ain’t cheap.  So when it comes to cribs, strollers, and car seats, I want to make sure that we’re getting top quality for safety purposes and longevity (and this is where the already established parents need to fall in with their advice).

For instance the crib.  Cribs are now, for the most part, the type that convert into a twin day bed with a guard rail, and then a full size bed even later down the road for toddler sized humans.  So the thought against buying a cheaply made crib-bed already is on my mind, and is of utmost importance, so much so that I ask the sales woman if people have come in saying how much of a piece of shit this concept is 8-10 years down the line.  Turns out she didn’t know, and neither do any reviews on the world wide web that I could find.  All of them just say, “I love this crib,” “It fits my room,” “so easy to convert,” but none saying, “Piece of shit.”  So with my mindset we need to find: Good, sturdy, hard, thick, wood. (And yes… that’s what she said).

So… there’s five bills.

What’s next on the list?  I forget, but I know we walked over to the diapers and wipes section next. What’s good about this little leaflet the helper gave us is that it recommends a quantity of how many of each item you should register for, which I’ll admit is awesome, because otherwise I’d register for 40 packs of diapers of each size and one pack of 6 baby bottles (I’m guessing if you’ve been through this you can see how ridiculous that would be) …  So diapers and wipes were selected, but again, holy shit with the price of diapers.  I know expecting parents constantly hear and read about the excruciating prices of diapers, but one pack of diapers is equivalent to half a tank of gas; or 1 bag of dog food; or 1 mildly priced date night (if you’re just going to the movies).  Let’s say $30 give or take $10 (and the prices are not much better at Costco).

Then on to the bedding.  By that time the Sports Center alert was blowing up on my phone letting me know all the big plays I was missing during the Patriots/Broncos game.  Now when it comes to bedding, I just want something that’s going to please my wife.  I could literally care less if the monkey playing with the basketball is a better themed crib set than the monkey hanging off the tree.  As long as it’s for a boy, and as long as she’s happy with it.  I’m sure I walked unenthused as she constantly changed her mind about what’s cuter than what, and wishing she could mix this with that, oh and wait, deciding to select something from Target instead, even though we’re here already… Needless to say, a few things were selected for bedding and the majority was left for another time.

Skipping some non-important yapping, lets move on to the the more important items such as the stroller.  I started doing my research on this a while ago, looking for things tall people need, and I came across this blog describing the various tall strollers that had been tested out and recommended.  It also helps that my wife played volleyball in college and the average height of her friends is 6’1, and the newest mother in that group is 6’4″ and her husband is 6’6″.  So we had resources.  The tallest mother in the world recommended that we get the Britax B-Agile Travel system which includes the stroller and the carseat (which they chose cause it was recommended by the California Highway Patrol).

I brought the set down off the display rack and tested it out… and not that I’m a stroller pro, but I was pretty much impressed on the easy maneuverability, and simplicity to detach the carseat from it and fold it up… and I should be impressed for the cost.  Another 3 bills.

Then there’s the plethora of Graco Pack n Play pens that all boasted that 30 million mothers recommend that specific product; so how on Earth am I to know which 30 million mothers were smarter than the other 30 million?  I mean… there were literally 4 different Graco pens that did, what I assume pretty much the same thing, however some vibrated and some didn’t.

Buy babies shit that vibrates; that is a lesson I learned from all my friends in the Marine Corps.

Paps wasn’t feeling the selection of certain things, so she wanted to visit a full sized Babies R’ Us, so it was time to leave.  Plus we were hungry and ended up going to Islands after all.

The Seattle/49er’s game was just starting, and we sat at the bar to eat and watch.  Knowing we wouldn’t be sitting for the whole game, I tried to set my DVR to record the game from my phone, but thanks to the DirectTv app update that erased my receiver information, that was not an option… Thank. You. Dicks.  I mean, what was the purpose of the update anyway???

To wrap this full-working-hours type day up, we ended up researching, pondering, and scanning baby items until closing time. 8 hours of putting shit on a registry (including lunch).  Don’t get me wrong, we don’t have an excessive CheeseCake Factory sized menu of stuff on our registry, but when neither you nor your baby mama knows anything about breast pumps, bottles, whether or not the diaper genie is better than the Tommee Tippee (which we chose diaper genie for the sole fact that the refills are cheaper…. Pap’s idea… brilliant), it takes a ton of time to get through what you want to put on the list.  We even confided in some random poor mothers who were within earshot about which brands were better, and what’s specific things were for.

At some point, I started feeling guilty of the prices of some of this stuff, and mixed feelings of “should we get the lesser quality, to save people some money?” “are people actually going to buy the pricier items?…”

“…this shit is crazy…”

…wherein the wife had to explain that some people will go in together on gifts they order; for example, like 4 friends might put in money together for the stroller.  And I worry about this because my ultimate fear is that right off the bat, I will be panhandling for pacifier and diaper money.

So to sum up this whole post: men, when you go to participate in creating the registry know this:

1. Do not plan anything for the rest of that day
2. Make sure your prego wife wears comfortable shoes, and brings a snack
3. Baby shit is crazy expensive
4. I mean REALLY FUCKING EXPENSIVE.
5. DVR anything you really want to watch that day

 

 

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