My Tiny Retirement Plan. Baby 401k

So one of the names I’ve been contemplating calling my unborn child is 401k.  For those of you who don’t know what a 401k is I’m sorry… AND it’s also a retirement plan.  Why would I name my kid 401k you ask… well it’s simple.

I’m 6’5”, his mother is 5’10” and we’re both (were both) highly athletic.  His grandfather is 6’4”/6’5”ish and in fact the rest of the family that’s not my wife is 6’ or above  (all girls by the way)…

I’ve played sports all my life.  I’m talking competitively I’ve played Tee-Ball, baseball, basketball, football, volleyball, pick-up games of soccer, adult league softball, a little golf, and try to still get into volleyball tournaments… oh and I can swim (which is a big thing for “African Americans” apparently) … I all around just love playing sports.

Paps, the wife, went to college on a full ride division 1 volleyball scholarship, grew up around and played softball, basketball, and can throw a spiral.

We’re tall, I’m big, we’re a sports family. It’s the perfect equation.

Now before I get all the hate hate hate mail explaining that I shouldn’t push sports onto my kid–I completely agree with you 1000%.  Baseball was pushed onto me, and I HATE baseball.  I can’t stand watching it on TV, and I tolerate watching it live.  I like playing still, but it’s still too slow of a game.  That being said, I played a lot of sports before I found my passion in volleyball.  I mean, I’ll still play the other sports, but nothing keeps my mind focused like volleyball does… and football… but mostly volleyball.  And I didn’t find that out till I was 13… on my own.

But maybe the problem you have isn’t me pushing sports onto my kid, but instead your problem is me referring to my unborn child as a pay day, better yet my retirement plan.

Well first off, I want you to know that I’m half kidding about this.  Ok I’m fully kidding about the 401-K, however, if my kid’s talent can get him into college, I will be extremely ecstatic, and from there on whatever happens, happens.  Cause let’s face it– $63,033 for tuition a year… sorry baby boy, I love you to death but you better get used to asking, “you want fries with that?”

I get that not all parents pay for tuition; I received my benefits from the VA.  But that’s not the point, let’s stay on course here.

Yes, I will require my child to play sports.  It builds leadership characteristics, introduces teamwork, promotes teambuilding, and creates a healthy camaraderie between peers of like nature and mind.  I once wrote a term paper on the correlation between child athletes and CEO’s or high level executive managers, and guess what I found out (dumbing down my 20 page paper)… Positive correlation.  But no, I will not force him to play what I want him to play.  There are too many things to be interested in that I have no idea about, seemingly… just watch the Olympics to find that out.


It would be pretty freaking cool if my kid was good enough to get on the Olympic Volleyball team… or any Olympic team… then I would seriously be living vicariously through him.  I kinda have a thing for Olympic Athletes…

Anyway, what I’m trying to get at is that there is an expectation in our home, and even from our friends for this kid to play sports… and pick one to be good at.  And being my wife’s a college graduate, and I’m looking to get into my Masters Program really soon, we’re not just a household of big, dumb jocks, and we take professional business life very serious as well.

Am I really banking on my son being my retire plan?  Of course not.  If my son doesn’t get to the pros I will hate him for life still love the shit out of him.  It’s not about getting to the pros…  it’s about learning to be a team player and a good leader… and trying to get free college.  And if he doesn’t take to sports, he’ll have to move out and live on the streets.


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Posted in Did He Really Just Say That?, Getting Readywith 3 comments.


  • Symone says:

    Hence the two jobs at the age of 20 whilst pursing another degree in school! I feel you 100% with the lack of a baby of course !

  • Brian Husted says:

    Be careful, I have a cousin who is a 6’10” music teacher that isn’t the least bit interested in athletics. When he was in high school he even had a shirt printed up that read “No, I do not play basketball. You’re short, do you golf?”

    Actually, I envy you and your wife being so active. I’ve never been very much into sports and now we have two very active little boys (and a third on the way) who love all things outdoors and sports-like. I’ll have a steep learning curve when it comes to teaching them sports.

    • WERE so active Brian… we WERE so active! haha… I wish I was back to where I was a few years ago, but alas… life catches up to the body sometimes.

      I know what your cousin goes through because I know all my life I heard, “You ball? Can you dunk?” And I stopped playing Basketball long ago, but I hear those questions all the time. Hopefully he is into sports, but if he isn’t he better be into studying something because he’s gotta be somewhat productive or active in the house…

      Thanks for reading by the way!


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